Halloween is arguably the most wonderful time of the year for horror fans, candy lovers, and children. There’s nothing quite as fulfilling in life as binge-watching a countless number of horror films, munching on a Tootsie Roll, or going Trick ‘r Treating with your friends. However, as fun as all of this sounds, there are dangerously unpleasant things afoot. Here are five things to avoid on Halloween night!
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last couple of months, it’s no secret that evil clowns are collecting our fear one town at a time. While some clowns seem pleasant enough (Pennywise seemed nice on the surface, but look how that turned out for G-G-Georgie), it’s too risky a time for you to trust them. Unless you want to end up inside of a cotton candy cocoon, clowns are certainly one of the things to avoid on Halloween.
Halloween night is meant to be a pleasant evening in which you can eat all of the delicious candy your heart desires, which is why Necco Wafers are absolutely one of the things to avoid on Halloween. If you like chalk-flavored candy, that’s your own prerogative, but if I wanted to snack on chalk, I’d at least choose something I could draw on the sidewalk with. These things are gross and will ruin your whole night.
There is no reason, NO REASON, that you shouldn’t be watching horror films on Halloween night. I’d argue that the entire month of October should be occupied by horror flicks, but I will begrudgingly settle for just one evening. If you’re a child, there are several family-friendly horror films you can watch. Don’t let your parents crush your dreams of a great evening. Just tell them you were scrolling through a horror website on the internet. They’ll understand.
Oh man, this particular thing really strikes a nerve with me. Some people are rude, some people are mean, and some people are flat-out evil. Those who give out fruit on Halloween night fall under the last description. Halloween, as mentioned, is a time to enjoy all of the sugar-coma inducing sweets imaginable – not fruit! Bleh! Save that shit for November 1st and treat yo’self to some candy! If your child receives fruit from anyone, you hand that healthy garbage back to them and tell them a little something about Halloween.
Reading Aloud From an Evil Witch’s Spellbook
This is unquestionably one of the most important things to avoid on Halloween. If you’re on this site, I’m assuming that you’ve seen a few horror films, and seeing a few horror films constitutes that you should be well-aware that this kind of decision is a bad idea. Seriously, do you want to unleash fiery hell upon the earth? Do you want everyone around you to turn into a scary fucking demon and try to eat your face and mail your soul to the devil? Demons have free two-day shipping, so that’s probably not a good idea. It’s imperative that you avoid reading from an evil witch’s spellbook at all costs, especially on Halloween night.
There you have it! Thanks for taking the time to educate yourself with our PSA. We guarantee that if you avoid these things, your Halloween will be infinitely more safe and enjoyable. Happy Halloween, readers!