With the 89th annual Academy Awards ceremony being held on Sunday night, we here at HorrorGeekLife thought it’d be fun to present our own awards, complete with the categories we care about and nominees we’ve deemed worthy.
Our staff has voted for which nominees they’d like to see take home…nothing whatsoever…with the most popular nominee being dubbed the winner of each prestigious category. Without further ado…
Best Death Scene in a Horror Film
Our first Horror Awards category falls on the gruesome side. Since the inception of our beloved genre, a countless amount of victims have been claimed by ghosts, zombies, vampires, serial killers, men with and without hook hands, magical creatures, monsters, vehicles, or just a singular tire. This category honors those victims. The nominees are:
Death by Wood Chipper (Tucker & Dale vs. Evil)
Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Rhodes (Day of the Dead)
I’ve Got No Strings (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors)
The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway (Jason X)
Ball is Life (Deadly Friend)
And the imaginary award goes to… A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3!
One of the most iconic Krueger kills of the entire franchise, the puppet death is a deserving owner of this crown.
Best Haunted House/Possession Sequel
The second award of the evening is meant to honor the haunted house and possession sequels we love most. After years of constant “It’s not better than the original” badgering, it’s high time these films earned some goddamn respect. The nominees are:
The Conjuring 2 (2016)
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)
The Exorcist III (1990)
Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)
And the imaginary award goes to… THE CONJURING 2!
Beating The Exorcist III and Poltergeist II by the slimmest of margins in our poll, James Wan’s popular sequel proudly wears this crown for modern horror.
Best PG-13 Horror Film
The Horror Awards continue now with our category honoring PG-13 horror films. The “PG-13 is inferior” argument is unwavering in its silliness, and these next five films prove that the rating can hold its own. Here are the nominees:
The Ring (2002)
The Last Exorcism (2010)
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
And the imaginary award goes to… TREMORS!
Given a slight edge over the horrifying Insidious in our poll, Tremors has stood the test of time and proven that, like it’s fictional setting, it’s Perfection.
Best Sex Scene in a Horror Film
Our next category is perhaps the most prestigious of the entire ceremony. Horror and sex go together like a doomed peanut butter & jelly sandwich, so it’s an absolute must that we honor those poor horny souls. Here are the nominees (No GIFS for obvious reasons, ya pervs):
Kitchen Scene (Lovely Molly, 2012)
Tent Scene (Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, 1993)
Depressed Love-Making (Don’t Look Now, 1973)
A Lot Of It (Vampyres, 1974)
Sil and Arden (Species, 1995)
And the imaginary award goes to… LOVELY MOLLY!
The fact that breakfast is being made in this scene is sexy enough to win the award, even without the penetration. If you’ve yet to see Lovely Molly, you literally have no reason to wait any longer.
Best 80’s Slasher Sequel
Our next Horror Awards category is stacked from top to bottom with films that every horror fan loves. Choosing between them was like trying to pick our favorite child, and since we’re bastards, we basically all voted for the same one. The nominees are:
Halloween II (1981)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)
And the imaginary award goes to… JASON LIVES!
! Arguably the greatest film of the entire Friday the 13th franchise, Jason Lives more than deserves the title of Best 80’s Slasher Sequel.
Best Underrated Stephen King Adaptation
Over the years, the great-to-shitty Stephen King adaptation ration has been pretty damn equal. However, there’s a good portion of underrated films caught up in the middle. Here are the nominations for Best Underrated Stephen King Adaptation:
Silver Bullet (1985)
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Needful Things (1993)
Riding the Bullet (2004)
The Dark Half (1993)
And the imaginary award goes to… SILVER BULLET!
This may be the highest honor of Gary Busey’s career, just sayin’.
Worst Bad Creative Decision in Halloween: Resurrection
Undoing H20’s Ending
Killing Laurie Strode
Casting Busta Rhymes
Literally All Of It
And the imaginary award goes to… Literally All Of It!
The above nominees are just five reasons why the film is silly, but if you revisit the slasher flick, you’ll find many more.
Most Absurd Horror Villain
The Horror Awards wouldn’t be complete without celebrating absurd villains, and that’s exactly what we aim to do in our next category. Here are the nominees:
Robert the Tire (Rubber)
Leprechaun (Leprechaun series)
Death Bed (Death Bed: The Bed That Eats)
The Puppets (Puppet Master series)
Vehicles in Stephen King Adaptations
And the imaginary awards goes to… Robert the Tire!
Rubber is arguably the GREATEST FILM EVER MADE, and Robert has everything to do with that.
Most Overrated Popular Horror Film
Some films are just overrated. That’s science. Is that science? Anyway, here are the nominees for Most Overrated Popular Horror Film!
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
The Strangers (2008)
The Amityville Horror (1979)
The Purge (2013)
Paranormal Activity (2007)
And the imaginary award goes to… PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!
I’m just as shocked by our poll results as you are, but we actually honor the popular vote. Congratulations, Paranormal Activity. You’re the most overrated popular horror film.
Best Terrible Horror Film
It’s time for the main event of the Horror Awards! Rather than honor the greatest horror film with this category, we decided to take a different approach and award a completely different type of greatness. Here are the nominees for Best Terrible Horror Film!
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Troll 2 (1990)
The Happening (2008)
Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
And the imaginary award goes to… THE HAPPENING!
From the silly premise to the bizarre, awful performances of otherwise terrific actors, there’s no denying that The Happening makes for an incredible viewing experience. Now excuse me while I go converse with a plastic plant.
That does it for our show! Thanks for tuning in to our first Horror Awards ceremony! Were the winners worthy? Who got snubbed? Be sure to comment and let us know!