Arnold Schwarzenegger is a take-no-prisoners, one-liner spewing badass with the biceps of a chiseled god and the voice of his most beautiful angel. It’s common knowledge that, if he wanted to, Arnie could pluck trees out of the earth with his bare hands until our planet was destroyed. Luckily for us, he also happens to be a swell guy – unless you make him angry. The Hulk wouldn’t like Arnie when he’s angry.
As proven by several feature films, Arnold isn’t the man you want to irritate, fight, or try to kill. While we feel that this information is a given, we’ve elected to provide you, dearest reader, with a few examples. Let’s kick some ice and get to it then, shall we? Here are 10 times Arnold Schwarzenegger had enough of the bullshit!
Arnie v. The Devil
As someone who tends to be a jackasshole (jackass + asshole), I can attest to the fact that we, as humans, lose our shit on undeserving people from time to time. Schwarzenegger, however, channels that rage in a war of words with perhaps the most deserving “victim” in the above clip from End of Days. You think you know bad, Satan? You’re a fucking choirboy compared to Arnie. A choirboy!
Arnie v. Kindergarten
Sticking with the tradition of losing your shit on deserving people, who deserves a good shouting-at more than a group of little nightmare children? Our second clip comes from Kindergarten Cop, the Schwarzenegger film that literally everybody loves. If you don’t admit that you’ve ever wanted to yell “shut up” at a bunch of kids, yours or someone else’s, you’re straight up lying to yourself.
Arnie v. Soundwaves
Our third example of Schwarzenegger losing any semblance of sanity comes from Predator, one of his most famous films. After being hunted around the jungle by a goddamn alien, Arnie finds himself lathered in mud, lighting a torch, and absolutely losing every bit of his shit with the battle cry to end all battle cries. Legend has it that if you visit the jungles of Puerto Vallarta in which Predator was filmed, you can still hear the haunting echo.
Arnie v. Prime Time Television
Oh Killian. Killian, Killian, Killian. What the fuck are you doing, man? You literally spend the entirety of The Running Man being a thorn in Arnie’s ass, and for what? Ratings? And then you have the audacity to offer the man a contract. You cold-blooded bastard. I hope you’ve got your contract-eating bib ready to go, just leave enough room for Schwarzenegger’s fist.
Arnie v. Sky Transportation
Nothing screams “I’ve had enough of this bullshit” more than purposely sabotaging a plane, tossing your bagged parachute into the infinite blue sky, nosediving out of the plane in a free-fall chase to recover said parachute, firing your pistol at the plane when it turns around to try to kill you, narrowly avoiding being splattered by it, getting tangled up in your parachute, cutting yourself loose, and switching to your backup chute seconds before crash landing on top of a car. And people think Eraser isn’t a quality film. Sigh.
Arnie v. Christmas
Dear Santa, don’t fuck with Arnold Schwarzenegger. In Jingle All the Way, Arnie displays his holiday spirit by dismantling a group of sleazy, conman Santas in a fist/candy cane fight at their criminal warehouse after getting the runaround on a Turbo Man action figure. Hell hath no fury like a Schwarzenegger scorned. Jolly old St. Nicholas better not get in Arnie’s face, because he’ll drop that motherfucker.
Arnie v. Marriage
In America, according to Google (because research), there is a divorce every 36 seconds, which translates to 876,000+ divorces each year. We’re guessing (or hoping, rather) that the Schwarzenegger method of divorce in the above clip is one of a kind. Note: HorrorGeekLife does not condone shooting your spouse in the head. Well, unless you find yourself in a similar situation. But you probably won’t. Maybe.
Arnie v. More People Than I Can Count
There are few scenes that sum up Arnie’s sheer badassery and lack of chill as adequately as the rampage scene in Commando. Gun in hand (grenades in vest), Schwarzenegger takes out several men until he finds himself hiding in a garden shed without ammunition. But who the shit needs ammo when you’ve got a goddamn pitchfork?
Arnie v. The Bar Scene
Rule #1 in life: If Arnie asks for your clothes, boots and motorcycle, you better goddamn oblige him. Don’t blow smoke in his face. Don’t burn him with a cigar. Don’t hit him with a pool stick or try to stab him in his obviously chiseled chest. Just don’t be an idiot.
Arnie v. Our Expectations of Superhero Films
To Hell with everything we know about superhero films. Straight to Hell with it. We’ve held our goddamn high and mighty expectations for too long, and Arnold Schwarzenegger has had enough of our bullshit. Watch the above clip and witness Arnie’s destruction of a popular franchise.