The Walt Disney Company has just acquired 21st Century Fox Entertainment for $52.4 billion. To put that amount of wealth in perspective, you could buy a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Combo for every man, woman, and child on earth, and still have enough change leftover to buy 3,523 Lamborghini sports cars. That’s some serious dough.
Most people freak out when two media giants merge together, fearing they will become a monopoly, limit competition, and raise prices on consumers. In this case, however, I think it’s a big win for everybody. We have two massively different studios who can now share their intellectual property and merge respective film universes to create some badass movies. Here are a few movie pitches I have for Disney to get the ball rolling.
5. Deadpool vs Elsa: The Cold War
When mercenary mutant Deadpool uncovers a plot to kill the X-Force, he learns of a secret mutant-killing weapon that lies in the basement of Queen Elsa’s castle, and she’ll stop at nothing to protect it. The foul-mouthed superhuman fighter and the sassy, ice-controlling queen go head-to-head in an all-out battle to save the ones they care about. The realm of Arendelle will never be the same again after Deadpool vs Elsa: The Cold War.
4. Gone Girl 2: Ariel Scorned
At the conclusion of The Little Mermaid, Ariel and Prince Eric were happy as can be after getting married and sailing off on a honeymoon boat journey–but happiness only lasts so long. Before you know it, five years have gone by, the relationship has gotten stale, and Ariel is sick of being left home at the castle while Eric makes out with young female boat groupies hanging out by the docks. When Ariel disappears under suspicious circumstances, the townspeople take to the streets with pitchforks and accuse Prince Eric of her murder. What secrets is Eric hiding? Is Ariel really dead? In Gone Girl 2: Ariel Scorned, no one can be trusted.
3. Predators of the Caribbean: Ahoy, You’re Dead
When Captain Jack Sparrow embarks on another adventure to steal a prized treasure from an elusive Caribbean tribe, his plans are thwarted by a new, powerful pirate named Predator, who’s hunting for human carcasses for trophies and leaving oceans of blood in his wake. Not even the ghosts of the sea will f*ck with this intermittently invisible monster, and Captain Jack’s zany antics are powerless against its futuristic armor (equipped with a first aid kit). Will Captain Jack escape with treasure in hand? Or will he be stuffed and mounted on the bow of Predator’s ship?
2. The Haunting of Mary Poppins
Most children have fond memories of watching Mary Poppins, but little is known about her background. Should we be concerned about a nanny who has the ability to levitate and control the winds with her magic? Perhaps black magic? Of course we should! The Haunting of Mary Poppins tells the origin story of a young nanny who accepts a dare to say the word “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” in the mirror three times and summon The Demon of Charred Ash, aka Bert, and trades her soul for black magical abilities. Can she be stopped? The children of London are not safe.
1. Die Hard 6: The Muppets Save Manhattan
The FBI and NYPD have reached out to seasoned detective John McClane once again to help them stop twelve Russian separatists from detonating a crudely-constructed nuclear bomb in Time Square. When McClane is forced to commandeer the Muppets’ double decker tour bus, they’re all thrown into a city-wide manhunt for the crafty terrorists. Will they find the bomb in time to disarm it? Will John McClane be able to survive Kermit and Ms. Piggy’s incessant bickering? The survival of The Big Apple is depending on them.
Have any other great ideas for Disney-21st Century Fox movie universes that need to collide? Give us your best movie pitches in the comments below.