You’re probably wondering why we brought you here today. We need to talk. Maybe you should sit down? OK, well, we’re not sure how to break this to you but … (pause for dramatic effect) … not all video games are created equal. We know that’s probably very shocking to you but it’s true. In fact, there are some totally batshit crazy WTF video games out there that totally defy logic and leave you with way more questions than answers, such as WHY THE F**K did I buy this s**t?

On the other hand, some of these bizarro carts are so bad, so weird, so messed up, that your video game collection isn’t complete until you track them down, spend a months salary to buy them, and then never ever play them. It is these insane video game concepts that we are here today to celebrate. So stop your crying, and get to scrolling instead.

Toilet Kids (Bits Lab, 1992)

We’ve all been there, right? You wake up in the night desperate for a dump, run to the nearest toilet, and rather than relieving yourself and going back to the land of nod, you instead get flushed away with your devil’s dumplings, and find yourself in the literal world of shit.

Toilet Kids was developed by Bits Laboratory back in 1992, and for the most part, went largely unnoticed by the general games playing populace. Shame on them! After all the crap they’ve paid top dollar for and then played to death, they could have instead paid next to nothing for a game brimming with actual crap, and it would have been the most original gaming experience of their tiny, sheltered lives.

Insane Video Game Rating: The shit.

Tokyo Jungle (Sony, 2012)

The world as we know it is no more. Mankind has been wiped out. All that remains is the entire animal kingdom. Even the rubbish ones. In fact, that’s the premise of the game. You play as a Pomeranian, who must find food in the kill or be killed wasteland that remains. Fortunately, you do get to level up to other animals, like a Beagle or a deer before evolving into some pretty kick ass predators like a Tiger or … a dinosaur. Yep. Mankind has gone and the dinosaurs have come out of hiding, because they’re not extinct, they’re just biding their time.

Insane Video Game Rating: Barking mad (until you become a tiger, obvs).

Icarus Proudbottom in The Curse of the Chocolate Fountain (Holy Wow, 2016)

If you’ve been searching for an insane video game in which you play a man who shits so much that he can actually fly, then you can officially stop looking because Icarus Proudbottom in The Curse of the Chocolate Fountain is it. Also starring Barack Obama. We’re not even kidding.

Insane Video Game Rating: Batshit crazy.

Seaman (Vivarium, 1999)

Remember the virtual pet craze of the early 1990’s? We’re talking about Tamagotchi, and Cats/Dogs on the PC. Well, in 1999 SEGA were distributing video games in which you had to keep your pet fish alive, despite no instructions and your pets complex needs. Oh, and did we mention your fish has A HUMAN FACE?! It looks like Eugene from The Walking Dead too!

This should be completely awful, but it’s the video game equivalent of a car crash that you just can’t take your eyes off despite the fact you will be haunted by your dreams forever.

Insane Video Game Rating: A bit fishy.

Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom (Hudson Soft, 1988)

You would be forgiven for thinking that Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom was the next big craze in kids’ cartoons, but it’s actually a real-life video game from the 1980’s that Nintendo paid good money to have exclusivity on.

You play the role of Sir Cucumber – who we can only presume is extremely popular with the ladies of Salad Kingdom – as he sets off on a suicide mission to rescue the beautiful Princess Tomato, daughter of the late King Broccoli, who has been kidnapped by an evil pumpkin. Sounds bizarre and it is, but it’s the kind of thing the kids of today could do with playing, it might encourage them to eat their greens! Not cucumber though. No one likes cucumber.

Insane Video Game Rating: Nuts. You herb it here first.

Why not try one of these next …

Leave a Reply