Summer has arrived and the temperature shows no signs of cooling down. This can only mean one thing – it’s time to start thinking about your summer vacation!
Before you exhume your banana hammocks from their last resting place, be sure to read our list and avoid some of the perils that await you while you’re out having fun. So, here are 7 horror movie tropes to avoid on your summer vacation.
You have been warned.
1RAFTING (CREEPSHOW 2)
Let’s be honest. The idea of laying down on a raft and drifting along on the river for your whole summer vacation definitely sounds like a hell of a way to relax this summer. But, as is usually the way, Stephen King has ensured this is now an absolute must avoid, in case you are devoured by a gelatinous black goo, a la the teenagers in “The Raft,” one of the stories that make up the horror anthology Creepshow 2.
2DIRT BIKING (THE HILLS HAVE EYES PART II)
So, you’re planning to go dirt biking this summer, are you? Well go ahead, just be sure not to practice in any areas inhabited by mutant cannibals who would rather pop your eyeballs than see you pop a wheelie.
3SKINNY DIPPING (PIRANHA)
Full disclosure, I love skinny dipping. Hell, I’m skinny dipping right now, even as I write this. But skinny dipping in piranha-infested waters is just a stupid idea, really. In fact, the thought of it is enough to make your balls retreat inside your body!
4UNPROTECTED SEX WITH MUTANTS (SPRING)
As tempted as you may be to sleep with that hot guy or gal you’ve just met on holiday, just remember, he/she may actually be a 2,000-year-old mutant that traps people into having sex with them so that they can use your cells to regenerate themselves and remain immortal. Imagine the child support payments, ouch!
I never saw the appeal in backpacking across Europe. Slumming it in hostels was never something I wanted to do, spending time with all those eco-warrior types, who are actually wealthy students rebelling against their parents, who are guilty of giving them too much pocket money as a child.
Any chance of me changing my mind about all of this went out the window after a single viewing of Eli Roth’s Hostel movies, in which backpackers are kidnapped, tortured and killed for shits and giggles. Although, the chick in the bath in part 2 … maybe I could be persuaded.
6SWIMMING WITH SHARKS (JAWS)
Look, I know the one in Finding Nemo was cool, and who doesn’t love Jabberjaw? But swimming with sharks this summer should not be at the top of your bucket list. If you ignore this warning, then it won’t be a bigger boat you’ll be needing, it’s a bigger life insurance policy.
7SUMMER CAMP (FRIDAY THE 13TH)
If there’s one thing that the horror genre has taught us, it’s that summer camp is almost always a bad idea, especially if you’ve already hit puberty. There definitely isn’t a horror movie set at camp that ends well, and never has this been more evident than in the Friday the 13th film franchise.
Let’s be honest, if you’re a kid then you’ll probably be neglected and left to drown, and if you’re a teen or camp counselor, you might as well stay home entirely because no matter what you do, it’s not going to be good enough for Mrs. Voorhees’ exacting standards. So expect a visit from her baby boy and his favourite machete before summer is through.
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